


Weights

by LightAvii



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Happy Ending, Mental Health Issues, pearl gives advice, steven cries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23388997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LightAvii/pseuds/LightAvii
Summary: Steven had weights on his shoulders.Not literally. It was a metaphor, which meant that it wasn’t real, even if it felt real. Real enough that he thought about it all the time. Real enough that he felt like he was suffocating. Real enough, he thought to himself as he slouched in his chair, that he was beginning to wonder if metaphorical weights could cause back problems.—With all of his newfound responsibilities, Steven finds himself under a lot of pressure. Pearl steps in to help.
Relationships: Steven Universe & Pearl
Comments: 6
Kudos: 79





	Weights

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s another oldie from an Amino prompt. This is mostly just some minor hurt with a lot of fluff, and Pearl gives some amazing advice ~~that I should probably take myself~~.
> 
> I’m a sucker for Steven and Pearl bonding, swear to god.

Steven had weights on his shoulders.

Not literally. It was a metaphor, which meant that it wasn’t real, even if it felt real. Real enough that he thought about it all the time. Real enough that he felt like he was suffocating. Real enough, he thought to himself as he slouched in his chair, that he was beginning to wonder if metaphorical weights could cause back problems.

His thoughts were interrupted as a bright light lit up the room, and he groaned, shutting his eyes. Within moments it had faded and Pearl stood on the reflective surface of the warp pad.

“Steven!” She exclaimed, making her way over to his place at the table. “There you are.”

Steven only grunted in response, an absent-minded acknowledgement of her presence as he forced himself to lean forward again, picking his pen up and glancing down at the lesson plans he had been working on. He sighed internally as he picked up back from where he left off, a set of notes he had just been reading. It pained him to admit that he wasn’t retaining any information, but on the bright side, he could say he had probably broken the record for “most times a paragraph has been reread without actually understanding it.”

“So...” Pearl said, pulling the chair out from across the way and taking a seat, an unwelcome presence. “What is it you’re working on?”

“School stuff.” He said dismissively, gaze locked on the page, even though the words meant nothing to him. “Same as always.”

“Mhm.” Pearl rested her hands on the table in front of her, staring down at them as the conversation seemed to die as soon as it had started. Of course, that may have partly been Steven’s doing—he’d been so work-oriented lately that he had developed a habit of making all interactions with the gems as short as possible, and was more than aware of it.

But as the silence persisted and Pearl held her ground, he risked a subtle glance upward. She was rigid, sitting upright as she made circles around her palm with her thumb. There were only two reasons why she fidgeted; she was either upset or nervous. She wanted to say something, and he could tell.

“Well?” Steven raised an eyebrow at her, and her head snapped upwards. He twirled the pen in his fingers, momentarily distracting himself from the task at hand. “Do you need something?”

“Ah, well, I—“ She stumbled for a moment, collecting her thoughts, and her voice lowered. “...Steven, are you feeling alright?”

His eyes widened at the question, and only for a second did those metaphorical weights seem more real than ever, threatening to drag him down through the floor. But he recomposed quickly, silently swearing at himself for being so bothered by such a simple question. “Yeah, I’m fine,” He said plainly, giving a small shrug as if the question was pointless. “Why?”

“Garnet and Amethyst are out shopping right now, as you know,” Pearl said, her voice returning to its normal tone as the tension passed. “But we figured that it’s been a while since we’ve all really gone and done something together, as a family, so when they get back we thought we’d all go spend some time at the arcade. You know, with all those games and things that you like to play?”

“I know what an arcade is, Pearl,” Steven said, cracking a small smile. As the years went by and she became more assimilated to human culture (or what humans call “hip”, in her words), there seemed to be fewer and fewer moments where she seemed out of touch. Even though Steven acted annoyed, he knew he would miss it when it stopped. If it ever did, that was. “Hope you guys have fun.”

“You’re coming with us,” Pearl corrected.

“What?” Now he was listening. “Pearl, I can’t.”

“Oh, but it’ll be fun!” She said enthusiastically, leaning forward in her seat. “Just like old times, when you used to take us there.”

“But—“

“I figured you’d protest, so I called Connie’s parents and they agreed to let her come along as well.”

Now Steven hesitated. Connie? She had been so busy with college preparation that he hadn’t seen her in what felt like forever. The idea of hanging out with her was an incredibly tempting one indeed. But he shook his head again, sighing. “I told you Pearl, I can’t. I have too much to do.”

Pearl frowned. “Oh, come on Steven. It can’t be that bad. Just take a small break, and then you can get right back to work after!”

“No. I won’t get it done in time.”

“There’s no deadline.”

“I’ve set one.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because otherwise I wouldn’t finish anything!” Steven felt himself beginning to get frustrated, Pearl’s continuous prodding very quickly making him angry.

“You need a break, Steven.” Her happy facade vanished, and now Steven understood the real reason why she had come to talk. “You’ve been working for weeks straight. We’re worried about you. It’s not healthy.”

“I told you I’m  _fine_ , ” Steven retorted, a particular venom dripping from the word. “It’s part of growing up, Pearl. I’m older now. I have more to do.”

“But growing up is about moderation. You need to balance your work and your life. Please, Steven, take a break with us.”

“I don’t need one. And it’s not just lesson planning, Pearl. I have everything to worry about. I’m in charge of making sure these gems adjust to Beach City and figure out what they want to do. I’m in charge of helping Homeworld change. If anything goes wrong, it’s my fault. I can’t risk it.”

“You’re 16!” Pearl raised her voice now, clearly becoming exasperated. “We understand you have a lot of responsibilities, but you’re pushing too hard. That’s far too much pressure for you to handle!”

“You don’t know that! I’ve been handling it for years and nothing’s wrong!”

“Steven,” Pearl’s face fell. “Don’t lie to us.”

“What?”

“You’re struggling. We can tell. But we can’t help you unless you let us.”

“Pearl, listen. Everyone wants something from me now. It’s my job to meet their expectations.” Steven felt himself becoming desperate, trying to hold his ground without letting everything spill over. It was like balancing a cup of water on a pin, something that experience told him time and time again he wasn’t able to do. “If I can’t do that, what good am I?”

“What are you talking about?” Pearl’s brow furrowed with concern. “Can you even hear what you’re saying? Come on, just come with us—“ she reached forward, hand grabbing the book of plans in front of him.

_ “STOP!” _

The sound of scraping wood echoed throughout the otherwise silent room as Steven’s chair came to a stop behind him, being forcefully pushed after he jumped to his feet. He stood, jacket coming to rest at his sides, as he clutched Pearl’s arm in his hand, his knuckles white from the strength of his grip. He had forcefully jerked her to the side, and it wasn’t until he heard the dim hum of the pink glow on his cheeks that he realized just how out of control his emotions had become.

His eyes shifted from his own hand to Pearl’s expression across the table from him. Her eyes were wide, fixated on him with a mixture of shock and fear, her body tense and in a defensive position. He felt his anger melt at the sight, and within moments the hum had vanished, replaced by the silence of the room and the screaming of his thoughts.

More weights fell on his shoulders.

“I—Pearl, I didn’t—“ He tripped over his words as he released his vice-like grip on her and she pulled backwards, staring at him. Unable to speak, he let out a frustrated cry before turning, rapidly blurring vision fixated on the stairs. He had to get away, his mind shouted. He barely heard Pearl shout his name as he flew up stairs, feeling heavy, as if he was trying to swim through a thick haze.

Before he knew what was happening, he had fallen onto his bed, the comforter giving way underneath him but providing little comfort. He felt the tears threaten him, trying in vain to spill, but he blinked them away, ignoring the intense burning sensation in his eyes and the way his throat tightened as he took shaky, uneven breaths.

He had truly lost control of everything, he concluded. If he was able to go as far as to almost hurt Pearl, there was no question about it; he had failed. Failed himself, and everyone else. His thoughts crashed over each other, screaming negativity, feelings of worthlessness and self-loathing surging forward, and he wished he could sink deeper into the covers.

He felt like he had been lying there for 3 seconds and 3 years simultaneously when he heard the wooden steps creak, and he felt a pit of dread settle in his stomach. He was so tired, so vulnerable—surely this wasn’t happening. He couldn’t face her, not now, not like this. Maybe not ever again.

“Steven?”

Her voice was coated with worry, and Steven thought his heart was going to snap in two. After that outburst, he didn’t deserve her concern. The very idea that he had made her worry in the first place made him feel sick.

“Steven, hey...”

“Go away,” He murmured, lifting his head only slightly from the mattress.

“I’m not angry at you.”

“You aren’t?” That caught his attention. He turned, sitting up and facing Pearl, who’s hand still rested on the railing at the entrance to the room.

“Oh, are you crying?” The worry returned, and the question alone was enough to push Steven over the edge.

“No, no, I’m not—“ but denying it seemed futile as he felt the tears start to roll down his face, and he turned his head downwards in shame.

“Oh, stars. Don’t cry,” Pearl said, quickly rushing over to the bedside. She reached forward, gesturing a hug, and Steven in his moment of vulnerability didn’t resist. He leaned forward, falling into her arms like he would years ago. “Shhh...” Her voice was soft, and he really did feel like a little kid now, sobbing his heart out on her shoulder.

After a minute or so of this he started to calm down, either because his body was tiring out or because he had decided he had gotten enough tears on Pearl’s jacket for one day. He pulled away from her, and held one of her hands as he wiped at his face with the other, the wet feeling becoming uncomfortable now that the moment was over. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, looking at her. “I’m a mess.”

“It’s okay. You’re allowed to feel, you know,” Pearl smiled at him, trying to offer reassurance. “If anyone understands that you need to cry sometimes, it’s me.”

Even though the comment wasn’t a joke, Steven found himself starting to laugh, and soon enough Pearl was laughing with him. It felt good to smile at something, to forget even for a second how much everything else hurt.

When it had finally died down, Pearl spoke again. “You were scaring me back there. The way you were talking about yourself...’what good am I’...that’s not a healthy way to think.” Steven sighed. “You aren’t defined by other people’s expectations of you, Steven. You’re so much more than that. You might be part gem but you’re also part human, and humans aren’t perfect. Neither are, to be honest. So it’s not reasonable to expect yourself to be flawless.”

Steven nodded. He understood everything Pearl said and knew it would truly sink in later, but for the moment he was preoccupied with feelings.

“Hey,” Pearl said gently, snapping him out of his thoughts. “You’ve been doing too much. You’re worried so much about expectations that you’ve put far too much pressure on yourself, and it’s not good for you. I know I’ve said it a million times today, but you need a break.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Steven sighed again, staring down at his hands. “I just—I don’t know. I know what I’m doing isn’t healthy, but I keep doing it anyway. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Pearl retorted. “You just need some help. After everything we’ve done for you, we want to be there for you when you need us.”

“Thank you,” Steven said. After a moment of silence, he cracked a cheesy smile and slouched, intentionally. “Do I have to go to the arcade? I’m so tired.”

“Of course you are,” Pearl laughed a little. “We can go another time. I’m sure Connie will understand. But I’m still forcing you to stop working today.”

“That’s fair,” Steven agreed. “I need it, anyway. I stopped processing everything I was reading hours ago.”

The two laughed again, and Steven wished the moment would laugh forever.

“Hey,” Pearl said again, leaning forward. “Don’t be afraid to talk to us if you need to, okay? We’re here for you.”

Steven smiled, and the two found themselves hugging again.

“We love you, Steven.”

“I love you guys too.”

Steven felt lighter, and it was an unmistakable feeling; the weights were disappearing.


End file.
